Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
