she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
