Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am naked and annoyed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
