I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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