I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
