We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this boner is exhausting
nutella sex= disaster
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
