i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
