Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
