I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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