he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
