video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
where are you?
Hypothermia
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
