i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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