what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
