he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
