My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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