he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it glows. i had to have it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
