so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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