i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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