I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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