I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
