Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize