I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
