why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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