I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
