I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
