...so i touched it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Welp...herpes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
