I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
