my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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