god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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