he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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