Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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