Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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