I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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