hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
