i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
