I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
