i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
