Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
