She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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