I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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