I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
