he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
