That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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