I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
