Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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