You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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