Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
