i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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