why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
