this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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