My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
