I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
