I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
