I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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