dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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