I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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