I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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