I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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