a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
