She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i think i have two assholes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
