I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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