Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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