I think I died a long time ago.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i out mim tonsoeep
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