i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
