I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize