def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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