goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
