tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
well you can't waste a boner
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize