Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
