I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
