I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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