No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
