She's JV to your varsity
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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