One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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