My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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